Obviously you could just look in a mirror. However, I am one of those few women who actually think they look younger and thinner than they are. When I see myself in photos or videos, I just assume there must be something wrong with the camera. (This is despite the fact that common sense dictates that there isn’t).
As a fellow comedian once pointed out to me: You’re one of the few people I know who suffers from chronic high self-esteem. As someone who does indeed suffer from chronic high self-esteem, I automatically assumed she was complimenting me, thanked her and helpfully pointed out it was yet another of my numerous qualities.
Therefore changes in looks aside, here are some tell-tale signs that you have definitely become middle-aged.
- Firstly, if you are a woman it’s really easy to know if you’ve hit middle age because you suddenly become transparent, particularly to the opposite sex. On the plus side, shoplifting is a lot easier. (That’s a joke, guys, that’s a joke).
- You meet up with a friend you haven’t seen in a while and immediately discuss what chronic illnesses you have and what tablets you are on. Preferably to be swiftly followed by an afternoon nap.
- Afternoon naps.
- Storage takes on an importance totally remiss when you were in your twenties.
- No amount of explanation will convince you of the point of Snapchat.
- Anything that proves too technical, you invariably ask someone younger than you to sort it out. This is how I ended up with an Instagram account. www.instragram.com/maureenyounger while you’re asking.
- You look at things differently. For example, I recently read in the newspaper that if you have two orgasms a week you live longer and immediately thought: I’m on borrowed time.
- You become lazy when it comes to sex. When I was younger if my boyfriend said to me I want to make love to you all night, I’d be elated. Now if he said it my first thought would be: Do I have to be awake for all of it?
- You look back fondly to a time before revenge porn, sexting and Tinder. A time when people actually met in person before they decided they wanted to sleep with each other. For the Tinder generation I know this might be hard to believe but seriously it really used to work like that.
- You suddenly see the point of having a pension.