The 10 Tell-Tale Signs You Are Middle-Aged

The 10 Tell-Tale Signs You Are Middle-Aged

Obviously you could just look in a mirror. However, I am one of those few women who actually think they look younger and thinner than they are. When I see myself in photos or videos, I just assume there must be something wrong with the camera. (This is despite the fact that common sense dictates that there isn’t).

As a fellow comedian once pointed out to me: You’re one of the few people I know who suffers from chronic high self-esteem. As someone who does indeed suffer from chronic high self-esteem, I automatically assumed she was complimenting me, thanked her and helpfully pointed out it was yet another of my numerous qualities.

Therefore changes in looks aside, here are some tell-tale signs that you have definitely become middle-aged.

  1. Firstly, if you are a woman it’s really easy to know if you’ve hit middle age because you suddenly become transparent, particularly to the opposite sex. On the plus side, shoplifting is a lot easier. (That’s a joke, guys, that’s a joke).
  2. You meet up with a friend you haven’t seen in a while and immediately discuss what chronic illnesses you have and what tablets you are on. Preferably to be swiftly followed by an afternoon nap.
  3. Afternoon naps.
  4. Storage takes on an importance totally remiss when you were in your twenties.
  5. No amount of explanation will convince you of the point of Snapchat.
  6. Anything that proves too technical, you invariably ask someone younger than you to sort it out. This is how I ended up with an Instagram account. while you’re asking.
  7. You look at things differently. For example, I recently read in the newspaper that if you have two orgasms a week you live longer and immediately thought: I’m on borrowed time.
  8. You become lazy when it comes to sex. When I was younger if my boyfriend said to me I want to make love to you all night, I’d be elated. Now if he said it my first thought would be: Do I have to be awake for all of it?
  9. You look back fondly to a time before revenge porn, sexting and Tinder. A time when people actually met in person before they decided they wanted to sleep with each other. For the Tinder generation I know this might be hard to believe but seriously it really used to work like that.
  10. You suddenly see the point of having a pension.


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